Their Five Stages
by Kazukagi
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia wake up in the somewhat cliched position of being in bed together after a rather stressful night, and the pair is forced to confront their feelings for one another. Remember though, Love and loss are only two letters apart. IchiRuki


Chapter One: Denial

"**I believe we're all in denial about the people we love." – David Geffen**

Ichigo wanted to move.

The key there was that he _wanted_ to move, but unfortunately Ichigo was somewhat paralyzed at the moment. Physically yes, he was having a hard time moving, but even more than that he knew that if he moved one inch then things could end up really badly for him. Right now, Ichigo couldn't do much more than think.

So then, he decided, it was time to take inventory.

He was in his bed. Good so far. He was also naked. That wasn't so problematic either, it could get hot in Karakura during the summer, and he had a hard time falling asleep in the heat. There were however, also two arms wrapped around his chest, neither of which were his.

Yep, there was a woman in his bed with him. She was naked too, from what he could feel pressing up against him.

_Ah. _That thought just sent the blood he needed for taking inventory to a... different location.

_No, bad body. Give that back, the last thing I want to do is make this worse!_

Unfortunately for Ichigo, things were already much, much worse. Because he had already looked over at the head curled against his chest that was poking out from the covers; he knew that face.

It was Kuchiki Rukia.

He was in bed, naked, with a sleeping Rukia wrapped tightly around him, naked as well.

In most comedies, this would be where Ichigo would start to try to remember the night before, only to find it a hazy blur. Then he would spend a good chunk of his time denying that he had ever slept with Rukia until the inevitable proof hit him square in the face. Right now Ichigo wished he had such a luxury, but in truth there had been no alcohol, no drugs, nothing to blur his mind. He remembered every single moment of last night, and he knew in clear detail _everything _the pair had shared together. The implications were making his head spin.

Ichigo turned again to look at his partner's sleeping face. Even through all his neurosis he had to admit that she looked cute, sleeping there. Ichigo's heart and mind were currently locked in an epic struggle: his heart was telling him that he should reach up and brush that stray strand of hair out of her eyes, while his mind was screaming at him to _stay still _and figure out exactly how to handle the situation when she eventually woke up.

Trying to hold back his, er... _impulses_, Ichigo laid back and tried to move the gears in his brain. He had slept with Rukia, that was fact. He had gone and done the thing that his father kept bugging him to do while Ichigo insisted that at age 17 he wasn't quite ready for yet; a perfect reverse of relationship if Ichigo had ever seen one. So now what? What was he going to say to Rukia when she woke up? How would she react? What would he tell Yuzu and Karin when the inevitably asked why Rukia hadn't come to bed last night?

Yet with all those questions, Ichigo knew he was only dancing around the issue. There was a single question that he should have been asking, it should have been the very first one he tried to answer. It was a simple one, yet so infinitely complicated.

Why-?

"Mmph..."

Ichigo felt a small stirring at his side. Slowly the girl next to him rolled her neck back and forth, an pulled her arms away from his chest. Slowly Rukia pushed herself up and supported herself on her arms, eyes still closed. Mumbling, she slowly opened her eyes, instantly meeting Ichigo's gaze. In her half asleep stupor, she didn't seem to realize yet what was happening yet.

"Good morning Ichigo." She mumbled to herself. Then she froze. Those words seemed to have jarred her out of her groggy stupor, now realizing that: a) she never said "good morning Ichigo" upon just waking up, and b) they were in the same bed. Ichigo had a feeling that she was remembering the night before just as vividly as he was, yet still she slowly peeked under the covers to verify that yes: they were in fact both naked. Ichigo braced himself for anything. A scream, a slap, a sudden escape from his room. None of that came though. Instead she just stared at him, eyes wide in shock. She didn't know what to do either; both Ichigo and Rukia were left lost as to how to remedy the situation.

Who knows how long they would have gone on, but their respective hands were forced by two small taps at Ichigo's bedroom door.

"Ichi-nii!"

_Ah, it's Yuzu. Wait..._

"Shit!" Ichigo cursed, rolling over partially on top of Rukia. This seemed to jar her as well, as her eyes suddenly lit up with anger.

"Ichigo! What on earth are you-!"

"Just shut up midget, alright? This is the last thing I need my sister to see at the moment! Just lie there and don't make a sound!"

Rukia seemed to get the urgency, as she ceased her protest and tried to curl up as small as possible. Quickly Ichigo adjusted the sheet to cover both himself and his bed mate.

A few more knocks rang at the door.

"Ichi-nii?"

"Huh? W-what is it?" Ichigo called, feigning sleepiness. The handle turned and Yuzu walked in with a puzzled look on her face.

"Ichi-nii you're still in bed? You need to hurry: school starts in half an hour."

"Is it now..." He said casually. His sister stayed silent, her face clearly signaling she had something else to say.

"Well... thanks for telling me Yuzu. I'll be down in a few minutes."

With a nod, his sister turned to leave. She broke her stride, however; turning around to face Ichigo again, her face clouded with worry.

"Ichi-nii have you seen Rukia-chan? She never came to our room last night."

Ichigo had known this question would come up, and had prepared an adequate defense.

"Yeah, she was staying over at Orihime's last night, didn't I tell you? They needed to get some studying done."

That answer should have satisfied Yuzu, but instead she just tilted her head farther.

"Then why did Karin say she saw the two of you come home around four last night?"

_Shit, Karin must have seen us sneaking off to go hunting waited for us. Fuck, fuck, fuck..._

"Er... well yeah, We both went over to Orihime's to study; but I got everything real quick and Rukia was having some trouble, so when we came home she uh... got some stuff and went back!"

It was a lame excuse, and a more practiced guardian would have caught him in his horrible lie, or at least noticed that he hadn't moved an inch since Yuzu had walked in. However his innocent sister didn't think twice on the fact that her brother may be lying to her, and gave a smile.

"Ah, okay then. Sorry Ichi-nii, I was just worried. You better hurry up and get ready!"

And with that she was gone, closing the door behind her. Giving the mother of all sighs, Ichigo rolled out of bed. Rukia did the same, though she had the luxury of wrapping the sheet around her. One look from her and Ichigo quickly ducked down, searching his floor a few seconds before finding a pair of his boxers and throwing them on. He also noticed several other... well, female coverings, and was suddenly very thankful that Yuzu never looked down. With the worst of his shame covered, Ichigo turned to face the music.

She was standing there with the sheet wrapped tightly around her form, eyes squarely locked with his. Her face was a mix of emotions, so much so that Ichigo couldn't identify what exactly she was feeling. That is he couldn't until he saw her gingerly bite her lower lip, and then he realized. She was afraid, just like he was. She was afraid – rightly so – that the mistake they had just made could end up costing them far, far too much.

_A mistake? Do you really believe that?_

Ichigo wanted to say a million things to her right now. Too bad that out of those he picked one of the stupidest ones. Drawing breath for perhaps the first time that morning, Ichigo let his words fly in one fell swoop.

"Look we should just forget about this!"

"I think we should forget this happened!"

Both stepped back after their respective screams, both happy and sad that the other agreed with their decision. Rukia was the first to regain her composure.

"Well... good! Yeah, it'll be a good thing to forget about all this." 

"Exactly!" Ichigo added, "last night was just a mistake, nothing more."

"Yeah, a mistake!" She agreed. Her gaze was downcast now, her eyes full of doubt. Ichigo walked towards her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Look Rukia, we were tired, stressed. We lost our heads."

She didn't look up, but after a few seconds she nodded her head. "Yeah, you're right. So long as we don't tell anybody we'll be fine."

Nodding as well, Ichigo removed his hand from her shoulder. "Good" he said, happy that the matter was cleared up.

Or at least he thought he was. He should be happy, what could have been a very explosive situation was diffused with almost no fallout. That was good... so why did he feel a dull pain in his chest when she had agreed to let the whole thing go; for that matter why hadn't it gone away yet?

"Well then..." Ichigo began, trying to find his wits. "We need to get to school, right?"

Rukia jerked. "Right, school! Let's hurry!" Rukia frantically began grabbing her cloths, causing the sheet to fall off in the process. Rukia reacted immediately, diving to grab the sheet. Ichigo reacted too... though in a more physiological way.

Blushing, Ichigo swiveled around and began collecting his uniform from his closet. It was while he was in the middle of buttoning up the jacket that the thought finally hit him: Rukia had just turned him on. Out of curiosity Ichigo turned around to look at Rukia. She had been staring at him, but when his eyes met hers Rukia turned red and turned away immediately. Feeling his own face heat up, he turned away glowering.

_So much for things not being awkward. This is going to be a long day._

XxXxX

And a long day it was becoming.

Siting there in class, Ichigo found it hard to focus on anything but her. Not without good reason though. Ichigo and Rukia had realized that she wouldn't be able to sneak into Yuzu and Karin's room and get her a uniform, so the only one she could wear was her old one from freshman year that was in Ichigo's closet. This wouldn't have been a problem usually, but in order to throw suspicion off Rukia, Urahara had given her a gigai that aged naturally.

In other words... Rukia's physique had undergone a few "changes" over the last two years, and that uniform was dangerously small on her. So small that Ichigo found it absolutely impossible to stop staring. In fact, most of the other boys in the class had found it hard not to stare, however; when Ichigo had thrown one of the said boys into a desk halfway across the room, all staring had ceased. For some reason, the thought of another guy staring at Rukia pissed him off more today than it ever had before.

Shaking his thoughts off Ichigo looked again at Rukia. She was staring frustrated at her paper, lightly biting her eraser. At the sight Ichigo's insides jumped. He wanted her, Ichigo wasn't stupid. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, sleeping with Rukia had fully awakened him to her... allure. Sure, Ichigo had always known she was a girl; only now though was he fully aware that she was a woman.

_The same women who last night had something a little harder than an eraser in her mouth..._

Ichigo slammed his head down on the desk. Bad thoughts, _bad _thoughts. His head was swimming with all kinds of notions that he had slapped Keigo over uttering.

He couldn't help it though. That night was still swimming in his head.

_We were tired, both so very tired. It was four in the morning, and we hadn't slept for days. Too many hollows, not enough man power. Finally we were back in my room, I don't think she even had the energy to sneak into my sisters' room._

He caught himself looking at her again, she had crossed those silky white legs of hers and caused her already far too short skirt to hike up just a little more.

_Like a porcelain figure she stood there, illuminated in the moon light. She was back in her gigai, covered in sweat, and it was far too hot. Maybe that's why she shed everything but her underwear, or maybe because she had come to trust him so much she didn't even consider his presence._

She must have finally solved that tough English problem, because she dropped her pencil on her desk and stretched with a satisfied smile on her face. Perhaps out of instinct, she turned to look at him, and as their eyes met the whole room faded away.

_He had never thought of her as a woman. A partner, a trusted friend, a sister. Yet there she was: a woman. It was at that moment, that look on her face, that beautiful form, that combination of weariness and youthful indiscretion that Ichigo realized. It was so obvious, he-_

Her face was red now, and Ichigo was sure that his was as well. It didn't matter though. At that one moment, they were the only two people in existence, and the only thing he could see was her eyes. Perhaps she felt the same, because Rukia didn't let her gaze falter either. They just sat, locked in a perpetual staring contest.

_That's why he pulled her close. Why he locked his lips with hers and perhaps why she didn't even try to resist. That's why they were soon lying on his bed, bare to each other, enjoying his youth and her innocence. That's why they didn't' stop, against all mental judgment. It's because he... and her, it's because they both-_

"Kurosaki-san!"

All at once the train that was Ichigo's thoughts exploded on the tracks. Ichigo reacted on autopilot and jumped from his chair.

"Yes, sensei?" He practically screamed. He looked forward, only to find his teacher wasn't there. Turning, he found her a mere inch from his face, a scowl on her's.

"I was asking for your test, but by all means, please don't let me interrupt your daydreams. I don't want my class to be a distraction."

Now knowing for sure his face was approximately the same hue as a beet, Ichigo sat down slowly and handed his teacher the test. His classmates began to snicker, all except Rukia who withdrew her face into her book. Ichigo drew his face into his hands. He knew that there was no way he would survive a full school day with her in the same classroom. He couldn't even stay focused through half of first period.

Giving a grumble, Ichigo grabbed his bag and walked towards the door.

"Kurosaki-san? Where are you going?"

"I don't feel good, I'm going to the nurse!" He snapped back.

"But I haven't-" the rest of his teacher's protest was silenced by the slamming of the classroom door. Ichigo gave a loud sigh: he knew there would be some oh-so-fun consequences for what he just did, but right now all that mattered to him was getting away from Rukia. Ichigo turned and started down the hallway. He didn't stop at the nurse's office but just kept on going, and when he looked up he was already half way home.

XxXxX

Ichigo was lying on top of his roof. There were several reasons for this particular venue choice. First and most obviously was that his father would likely be displeased to find that Ichigo was skipping school for no good reason. Second, and perhaps more telling, was that the only other place Ichigo could thing to retreat was his bedroom; he had a feeling that lying on the very same bed where he and Rukia had sex the night before may not be the best way to relieve his stress.

Not that being on the roof seemed to get thoughts of Rukia out of his head, though.

"_Look we should just forget about this!"_

The words kept circling Ichigo's mind, a vulture just waiting for his self-defense to finally drop dead. Each time the words popped up in his head that heavy feeling in Ichigo's chest flared up again, and each time it made him more depressed. Why?

Ichigo told himself that he _couldn't _forget it. After all, he had just lost his virginity to his best friend not even twelve hours ago, people didn't just let things like that flee from their minds so quickly. It was the perfect excuse, a very understandable reason for his obsession.

Yet despite its credibility something in Ichigo didn't believe it for a second, and the same niggling thought kept coming back to him: It wasn't that he couldn't forget it, it was that he didn't want to. He didn't want to just sweep that night under the table and leave it there to rot. He wanted to remember, and he wanted Rukia to remember too.

_But if that's all true, what does that say about me and Rukia? Why would I not want her to forget?_

And there it was: the million dollar question that his mind had been dancing around all morning. The question to which he was attempting to deny himself an answer or even an acknowledgment. Why-?

_That's why after its all over, and she lies there asleep and pressed against his chest, he can only smile. Why despite all the logic his brain is spouting, all the reasons why this is the worst thing to ever happen to him, He can only think of how beautiful she looks, lying there. It's a simple thing, yet so horrendously complicated. He-_

A dull beeping sound snapped Ichigo from his thoughts. Pausing for a moment in doubt, Ichigo recognized it as Rukia's radar phone. Leaning over the side of the house Ichigo peered through his window to see the small phone flashing on the floor.

_She must have left it here in her rush..._

Sliding his window open Ichigo jumped into his room and scooped up the phone. There was a pretty weak hollow a few blocks from his school.

_Great, anything to take my mind off of her._

Rather than finding Kon – who was no doubt buried somewhere in his sisters' room – Ichigo hid himself in the closet and slammed his badge against his chest. Freed from earthly confines Ichigo jumped through the roof of his house and dashed towards the hollow. His flash steps had become refined to a point over the years, and in only a few nimble steps Ichigo was on the scene. A record, he thought. However despite his speed he had apparently already been beaten to the scene, as the hollow was right in front of him dissolving. Ichigo didn't move: there were only two soul reapers currently on duty in Karakura, and he was one of them. Needless to say who the other one was.

XxXxX

Rukia was not having a good day.

Of course there was the whole 'waking up in bed with Ichigo naked' thing, that had thrown her off her stride. Even more disturbing than that was the night before wasn't a blur: she remembered every little _detail _about their encounter, and just the thought of recalling her thoughts made Rukia burn bright red.

It didn't help that during his sister's interruption Ichigo had basically thrown his naked body onto hers, an act that had gotten her all kinds of bothered, then in her confusion and anxiety vowed to forget the whole thing. Talk about mixed signals; her mind was a mess, period.

Another contributing factor was the fact that Rukia was now aware of just how attractive Ichigo really was, and every look of him she sneaked on their way to school had resulted in butterflies erupting from her stomach.

Finally, she had caught him staring at her in class, in the moment their eyes met Rukia realized that Ichigo was going through everything she was. Every confusing emotion, every biological urge and every desire to just get her mind off of last night. So when he stormed out of class, obviously trying to get some distance, Rukia found that she was utterly unable to take anything in from the lecture. Her eyes were on the board, her mind was everywhere but.

Rukia prided herself on the fact that she could control herself. Whether it was keeping a cool head when facing a challenging opponent on the battlefield, or simply playing the part of the innocent schoolgirl, Rukia had control. Yet last night with Ichigo she had lost that oh-so-important control, and in a fit of passion done something she had up to that point never considered doing with him. Ichigo had been her friend, her brother. He was always there when she needed him. To her Ichigo was Ichigo, but now she realized that Ichigo was also a man. A _very _attractive man.

Rukia rubbed her temples. There it was again: loss of control. Now she couldn't even control her own thoughts. She had spent every moment since she had woken up trying to just get him out of her head. Nothing had ever backfired more.

"_Good morning, Ichigo."_

She remembered her first words to him upon waking up, and the more she thought about it the harder it was for Rukia to blame those words on her grogginess. His warm body had been the first thing she felt that morning, and his face the first thing she saw. She was... glad; it had made her happy that he was that first thing. That's why before the neurotic center of her brain fired up, she had greeted him just like a wife would greet a husband.

That's what scared her. It scared her more than anything else. She had lost control both of her actions and her thoughts. Now she wasn't sure if she had control over her feelings.

Rukia sighed, burying her head in her hands. It was rather obvious that the whole 'forgetting' thing wasn't going to work out any time soon. The fact was that her and Ichigo would eventually have to start being together again, even leaving out they lived in the same house they needed to go out on patrol together. What were they supposed to do: ignore one another until things stopped being awkward?

_Ugh, why do I even feel like this? It's not like I-_

What? It's not like she what? Her thoughts had cut off at that point, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't continue. The thought she didn't want to consider. That maybe she couldn't get him out of her head because she

–– _him... right?_

_What him?_

The bell rang some place off in the distance, and automatically she stood up and left the classroom.

_There was a reason I slept with him last night. There has to be a reason. So what the hell is it?_

The air grew thick around her for a moment, and Rukia jerked her head up. There was a hollow nearby: she could sense it. Rukia padded her jacket for her phone, only to find it missing.

_Must have left it at the house._

She was lucky it was so close, otherwise she might not have picked up on it. Thank god, something to take Ichigo off of her mind, for even a minute or so.

Popping a quick gigokon pill she left her body behind and headed off. The hollow was only a few blocks away. It was relatively weak too, so it only took Rukia a few seconds to fully dispatch it. She pulled her sword from the beast's head, and lackadaisically it disintegrated into the sky. Rukia gave a sigh of relief, and sheathed her blade, looking up to come face to face with Ichigo Kurosaki.

"Oh" was all she could manage, and with her one-time-lover standing right before her all the thoughts in Rukia's head came flooding back. In that instant, the question she'd been avoiding all day popped into her head.

"_What made me sleep with Ichigo?"_

Because she was a fool. Because she was naïve. Because she had been tired, and hot, and in that moment when Ichigo held her close she couldn't think of a single good reason to stop him. She had been stupid, and careless and-

_and..._

"Rukia, look..." He had started, though it seemed like he couldn't find the words to continue. His eyes looked everywhere but at her's, searching for something. Rukia knew that she needed to ask him the exact same question he was trying to.

"Why did you do that last night?"

"Why didn't you stop me?"

They had asked at the same time, and at that moment both of them were face to face with their own denial. The entire day had been spent trying to avoid the subject, because the both knew that there was only one satisfactory answer: and it was an answer both of them were afraid to hear.

_It's a simple thing, yet so horrendously complicated. He-_

_She had been stupid, and careless and-_

_because he... and her, it's because they both-_

XxXxX

_She was lying there in his arms, safe and secure. She was tired now, more so than when the first began this little adventure. She was content though, and happy. Oh so happy. He was happy to. He was lying there, a soft smile on his face, staring into her eyes. Both of their brains must have been shut off. They were lying there, naked, bare to one another, and the consequences of all their actions were piling up outside their little world. They didn't care though. In that one moment everything on Earth or in Soul Society seemed so genuinely perfect. She was perfect to him. He was perfect to her. _

_It was in that perfect moment that Ichigo leaned down and kissed her softly, much more more tenderly than their first kiss, or the frenzy of kisses they had shared after that. It was a kiss made with no carnal intentions attached, the kind of kiss a husband gave his wife at the alter._

_It was in that moment that he had said it-_

"_I love you, Rukia."_

_It was in that moment she said it-_

"_I love you, Ichigo."_

_It was after that moment that their whole world changed._

XxXxX

_No._

The same thought, at the same time, shared by two people. They both denied what they already knew as truth. They did so because both of them knew that if either accepted that truth, if either of them admitted those feelings then... then-

They would never be the same.

"It was nothing." Ichigo said, rubbing the back of his head. "I was tired, caught up in the moment. I mean cut me some slack, I'm a teenage guy, you know? It was bound to happen eventually."

"Y-yeah. Same here, I wasn't thinking straight, and my urges got the better of me. In soul society such behavior is usually looked down upon, so you have to understand that sometimes I, well..." Rukia trailed off.

"No worries, no worries." Ichigo said. "It was purely physical, nothing more. Right?" He asked, knowing in his heart that he was lying right through his teeth. Even so, he put out his hand. Rukia stared at it, debating whether or not to accept this blatant lie as their truth. After a moment or so she grabbed it.

"Yeah, only physical. We're just friends... right?" As if wanting reassurance from him, she looked up into his eyes. He hesitated, then let her hand go and gave a nod.

"Exactly, friends. It was a mistake, and even if we can't forget about it, it meant nothing. A good wrap up... right?" He finished, looking for the very same assurance. Rukia gave an unenthusiastic smile.

"Yes."

Ichigo turned back towards his house, back facing Rukia. "Good thing we got that settled. Let's go home. I don't feel like going to class today."

At the sight of his distant back, Rukia bit her lip.

"Neither do I."

Silently, the pair departed.

XxXxX

**Wow, I actually typed out about 5000 words of material I don't hate. That's an accomplishment these days. So this is chapter one of five, look forward to part two: Anger. If you fans were missing Ichigo and Rukia's trademark dynamic of screaming at each other and name calling, you'll enjoy chapter two. **

**This chapter was mostly exhibition and each character's internal thoughts, so there was very little interaction between our two favorite characters. I actually enjoyed writing it, though I'm looking forward to changing up the narrative a bit. **

**Thanks to anybody who's reading: you're helping me get back into my groove so I can continue my other stories after this one. Drop me a review if you feel like commenting, so long as your comment isn't an all out flame I'll respond to any reviewer to which its possible (aka, log in before you review).**

**See you folks next time!**


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